Dark Days

I have not been in the best of moods over the past few days. I have been quite down, depressed some may say. I woke on Wednesday and felt a huge black cloud/dark mood come over me, and it has nestled there ever since. Indeed, it is not as bad now as it has been, but all the same, it is still there. I cannot pinpoint as to why I am feeling like this, but needless to say, it has been all encompassing.

I have avoided my email box, my blog, and other things that I do day to day. I have even deleted this post several times with the thought of “who wants to read this? really?”, then started again.

It is a holiday weekend, the last of the summer, and usually, I would be planning days out and fun things to do, but I just do not have it in me, and when I try to force myself to get back into the holiday spirit I tell myself “I cannot be arsed” and “I don’t care”, and right at this moment I don’t care. I feel like getting into bed, crawling under the duvet and letting the world pass by until I am ready to tackle it. But life is not like that and I have a partner and two dogs who depend on me. I have responsibilities that I have to attend to, and there is no way around it, so I carry on regardless of the building dark cloud.

I am tired, exhausted really, irritable to the point of flares of anger. My heart problem (atrial fibrillation) is really playing up, waking me, erratically missing beats, speeding up, stopping for long pauses, then trying to catch up on itself again. Although I am used to this, it still causes discomfort and worry/stress. This time it is adding to my dark mood, but not causing it.

My youngest dog seems to sense I am down as she keeps sitting on or by me staring at me, but not in the annoying way Eddie stares at Frasier, it is as though she is trying to help and her stares are longing loving stares. My older dog is only concerned with food, so has no interest. I told M on Wednesday that I was really down, but I have not spoken further about it. I was brought up to keep my feelings to myself, and cannot change a lifetime of conditioning.

Like all thing, it will pass.

4 Comments on “Dark Days

  1. Sometimes the best thing you can do is share your feelings. They don’t feel as heavy when someone else helps you carry them.
    Try to find something each day that makes you feel better: a piece of chocolate, a walk with the dogs, a silly tv show. When I feel really down I need an escape and sometimes a book will provide that.
    I hope you feel better:)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, we are here for you. If you need to rant go for it! Wish I could take you out for a beer, that always cheers me up. Well have a beer on me anyway 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for your messages guys, life seems to be brighter now, and I feel that I am out from under the dark cloud, Funny though how my heart has started beating properly I don’t feel down, so maybe this could be one of my trigger points.


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