The past month or so I really can not be bothered with anything, and I have no idea way. Is it because I am inherently lazy? Is it because of the lack of daylight, cold, rain and general winter blues? Who knows! I am in a rut basically. It feels like the walls to the rut are just too big to get over, and the ones that I can climb are covered with grease and it becomes a pointless task. Now, do not get me wrong, I am not feeling sorry for myself one bit, I am just in a rut!
I started with a cold about 6 weeks ago, and from there on, which I think is the real problem, is that I feel shitty all the time. It is like the remnants of the cold are still lingering and zapping my energy, and I am still snotty too, which is a royal pain in the arse. Indeed I have nothing of real consequence to moan about in all honesty. After all, I have all of my faculties, limbs, husband and dogs. I know I am far better off than many, and I just wish I could get out of this rut and be of some real use.
Apart from reading and making the odd loaf of bread, I have done nothing of interest. I am behind on my pen friend exchange, and although I have bought them all Christmas cards, they are still sitting on my desk waiting to be written.
Part of me thinks this apathy is just part of the winter blues, especially this time of year, Christmas and all that. I have never really been a Christmas person. Partly due to being born on the cusp of Christmas day, no one remembers it, never did even when I was a kid, including my family, but they can remember the birth of a made up person that was born over 200 years ago. Before any bible thumping starts, there is no solid proof that this guy existed; Fact! Like being vegan and having to tell everyone, keep your arguments to yourself. Now, on saying that, not that I want anything from anyone for my Birthday apart from the verbal wishes. It is just nice to be remembered.
No, I am in a rut and have to get out of it, so here are my words that may be cathartic in moving me on. Also, I am putting up the Christmas tree and decorations, so that may lift me. Mazikeen is sitting with me whilst I write this, so maybe the light is at the end of the tunnel.
Go to the light Carol Anne