General, Life

The cruelty of others

I know that my readers do not know my husband apart from things written here which is a shame as he is one of the nicest people I know. I am not saying that because I am married to him, or that we have been together for 21 years next month, but am saying it because it is true. He is totally selfless, will go out his way to help people, and puts everyone, no matter who, before himself. All in all, he is a decent human being, and in all honesty, a rarity these days.

His family, however, are vile, despicable and overall shit people. M’s mum, who was the only decent one of them, sadly passed away 8 weeks ago this Sunday. Not one of his family has reached out to him to see if he is okay. As most will know, M is disabled and has neurological problems amongst others, so life is hard at the best of times, however, his family treat him as though he is making it all up, even though there are hundreds and hundreds of reports regarding his disability/problems, some of which are inherited from his Mum. At the funeral M was left on his own, his sister, brother and father walked together, leaving him to struggle about 20 feet behind, never checking on him. M never complained, he just got on with it. At the graveside, they all walked off and got into the cars and left him there, again never thinking about assisting him and getting him to the car. At the meal after the funeral, all the adults sat together around a large table and never made room for him, leaving him to sit with the children. After the proceedings of the day when they went back to the house, his father and siblings got drunk and again showed their true colours. M recorded them and it is appalling. His sister, a bit of a drunk, sneering and spewing venom and hate for no other reason than this is her true self. His brother is a drunk and drug addict, so need I say more. His father, also a drunk is a spinless pathetic specimen human being. It was like watching a more hateful version of the witches in Macbeth.

Now, I have previously posted about them, which can be read here, and the way they treated M. So, 8 weeks passed and no one has contacted him, apart from a call from his father giving off that the aftershave that M bought for him had not arrived. In this call, his father never asked how he was doing, and would only demand that M do something about the lack of delivery. His father decided to text him today saying that he was lonely, which is ironic as he has all his family and friends there and is always Skyping M’s sister in America, and when M’s Mum needed help at home, his father could not get her into a nursing home fast enough. Nothing has changed for his father for over 4 years. M took the opportunity to confront his father about the complete lack of contact, the treatment he received before, during and after the funeral, and questioned if his Mum did not like him over the last 6 or so months as he knew that the sister had been poisoning her mind. His father answered with “well, she had a lot on her mind”. WTF! M told his father some home truths, that he heard them all slagging him off and that their treatment of him was out of order. His father gave a very feeble apology which I translated as him saying “I’m sorry if you feel that way”. I have no time for them as I have seen first hand how they have been with him and they hate me as I stand up for M, and will not take shit from them, oh, I am also English and Anglican, so double whammy there.

M’s sister has single-handedly turned everyone against him, for what reason or gain we do not know, but she has sewn lies to all that were concerned. She is self-obsessed and I have witnessed her viciousness that has no bounds and is done for her own amusement. She is the type of person to stop at an accident not to help but to gleefully watch the suffering of others, something she is actually well known for.

M has now cut ties with his family, removed their numbers from his phone along with WhatsApp and blocked them. I have had the measure of them for close to 20 years and M now sees them as I do. It is a sad thing that they have treated him so appallingly. I feel that M being gay is the main crux of their problem, but they are also jealous of his independent life. He is happy, does not live in a shit hole and is out of their control and interference, also he was the first one to get out of the country. His brothers youngest girl went to Liverpool Uni, got a degree and was set to have a career in TV/Media, but they forced her back to Northern Ireland for their own selfish reasons, that of a baby sitter and gain control over her life. Why should she be able to have her own life away from there?

I am saddened for M, as he does not now, or ever has deserved this type of treatment, and as mentioned has gone out of his way for them all and others, never complaining. However, I am glad that he is away from their poisonous prison. They have preyed on him, victimised him for their own unknown intentions. Whilst I have supported M trying to please them to no end, I have also told him what I see. I could never tell him to walk away as his Mum was still alive and they doted on each other, but now she is at rest I can and have, and he sees what I see.

I have experienced hate from my own father who is homophobic, racist, sexist and a truly vile man who thought with his fists and whom I have had no dealings with from the age of 15. I have seen my family turn against me because I was gay (lead by one of my sisters), which was their loss for a year or so. I have seen my sister envious of the life I have, a happy life with someone I truly love. I have been at the end of a campaign of sibling interference that failed. I have witnessed this and been at the harsh end of it, but due to my childhood I became hardened to it, gained the ability to switch off my emotions at the drop of a hat, but with that, I have anger issues and a temper that goes from zero to explosion instantly, and I am a fighter. M, however, is the opposite, he is not a fighter, he cannot switch off his emotions and as such his family have been like hungry vultures, picking away at him, feeding on his humanity until there is nothing left. Thankfully, he has now put a stop to them. He can now move on. It will be a long trek, but one that is worthwhile. With each step, he moves further away from his troubles, from people that are not worthy of his company, people that do not know what honour, charity or compassion means. Each day will take him on a journey of healing and the realisation that he is important, worthy of love and kindness, and that he is loved more than he will ever know.

The old saying of “this is the first day of the rest of your life”, although a clumsy cliche is very apt for him now, and as always, I will be at his side for the whole journey. My vows 12 years ago when we got married were “in sickness and health, through thick and thin until the end of days” and never more than now are they adhered to.

6 thoughts on “The cruelty of others”

  1. I’m sorry to hear how badly M has been treated by his family. He is very fortunate to have a wonderful life with you. It’s hard to cut off family but there are situations where it is completely necessary. I wish M well. It’s very difficult to work through grief in the best circumstances. I can’t imagine how he’s holding himself up through all this.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Your words touched my soul… It’s truly sad to read how such a dear person (you describe M as a wonderful person!) is treated by the ones who should love him without any conditions).

    I have some friends who have cut all ties to some family members. My husband broke up contact with the ex-husband of his Mum (that man does not deserve to be called “father”) at the age of 11. It hurts, but keeping contact alive with such poisonous people and not protecting oneself also hurts. So I think this was the best he could do.

    I’m glad to read that he has a loving person on his side. This is a very precious thing!

    Liked by 2 people

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