Tag: Death

Its Nature

I am a complete softie when it comes to animals of any kind, and I hate to see them suffer. Tonight was no exception. Mazikeen found a field mouse in the garden this afternoon that was dying and sat with it until M saw her and went to see what was going on and moved the mouse out of harms way, but it passed away quite soon after. There was a little baby mouse peeking out so M put some seeds out for it to eat. Early evening we found a tiny baby mouse under one of the garden chairs that was thin and was looked like it too was dying. M picked it up and called me over to see it. As my hands are always really warm I took it from M and kept it warm until we got a little box and put in little pads to make it comfortable for it and put it in a warm place and watched over it. It moved about quite a few times, but I could see that its little heartbeat was slowing down, so sat with it until it too passed away.

Now, most people know me as a bit of tough bugger, feisty and dare I say, fighty, but when it took its final breath and his heart stopped I felt all kinds of sadness. I am a complete softy when animals are concerned. I was brought up in the country and worked on farms from an early age, had a career as an agricultural consultant and we always had animals and livestock, but every death I thought was sad. Our garden is like a pet cemetery and I have buried all our small pets that have passed away over the years, from guinea pigs to fish and said a quiet goodbye to them all. The little mouse was no exception and is buried under the silver birch tree.

Just before he passed away.

Ireland – An End

M came back on Friday night, me and the girls could not wait to collect him from the airport. His flight was due to land at 6:50pm and the wheels hit the tarmac at 6:30. Luckily I was not too far and was there when the disabled assistance brought him out to me. We were both very glad to see each other. The dogs went mental licking and doing their hug things as they were in the car waiting.

M’s sister again did not offer to take him to the airport even though she was in the same house and had a hire car and quickly vanished to the room she was staying in half an hour before he left. I would say hiding in her shame, but she has no shame, just hiding as she just did not give a shit about her disabled younger brother. If hell exists there is a definitely a place for her. His dad was his usual cold self and when M left, his father let him struggle with his bag and when a few feet down the path he just closed the door behind M only leaving the dog to look out and watch M leave. M’s brother who lives 5 minutes walk never bothered, nor did any of the nieces and nephews who all live within 5 minutes walk. Cold callous bastards the lot of them. I guess birds of a feather really do stick together.

Now, you may think, what has M done to receive this type of treatment. Easy to answer, he is a decent human being, and that seems to be a problem with them all. Over the 21 years I have watched them stab each other in the back, fall out with each other, have fist fights with each other and exude general hate to each other. All of this M had no part and kept away from their arguments as it was nothing to do with him. M is polite, kind beyond normality to be honest, and nice to everyone, but this seems to have put him at a disadvantage. His dad is a homophobe, we accepted that a long time, and “puts up” with us when we have visited. He has taken advantage of M over the years by getting him to do so much for him, from purchase of laptops, phones, and much more to sorting out paperwork, policies etc., basically everything he could not do or could not be arsed doing/learning M did it for him. As mentioned, M’s brother lives a few minutes walk away, but does nothing, and M was guilted to do things. When lockdown started M bought loads of essentials from toilet paper to hand sanitiser, he bought lots and sent it over to his dad, to which he barely got thanks. M never complained and just went with the flow, so in answer to the question, he did nothing wrong. His family are dicks. If M was a back stabbing hater then he would have fit with them all and nothing would ever have been a problem. His siblings had a problem with him when he was young as he was good at school and ended up at the Grammar School, passed all his exams, and never go into trouble, unlike his siblings who were out petrol bombing, rioting and sleeping with everyone with a pulse, not to mention they were always out drinking.

Now M’s mum has been laid to rest he has decided that there is no reason to go back. I have to agree with him, and in all honesty, I never want to see any of his family again. Even if they all apologised to him and admitted they were wrong to treat him like that, I still would not go as I could not believe them.

Although a visit to them is off, I had been chatting to the priest via email and he has asked whenever we are next over there to let him know as he would love for us to go to dinner with him, which we will be happy to do. However, the visit will not be to see M’s family, it would be to visit his Mums grave and to have a holiday on the west coast with the dogs.

With that all, this is the end of that era. Time to move on and enjoy life without interference and hate.

Requiem Mass

M’s mum was buried today, and although I was not able to be there with him on this very sad day, I was able to watch the Requiem Mass live as the church broadcast it for those of us who could not be there. It was a lovely service and the priest made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes. M made me very proud of him as he did a reading of the letter from St Paul to the Romans.

M had let the priest know that I would be watching the mass, and welcomed me in name, said that I was M’s spouse and where I was watching from, which was really touching. He spoke about M’s mum and her life from when she was 15 years old right up to her last days with great fondness. He had married M’s brother and knew the family very well. Whilst talking about her, he said that she was someone who did not have hate or intolerance in her, and talked of her support for M when he finally came out, and the hurt and hate he received from the community and family, and that she stood by him. This was quite a nice dig at the rest of the family who is not supportive of him, and as you know from my other posts his family are not all that pleasant, to say the least. Whilst talking to everyone he told M’s sister she was selfish for leaving his mum and going to live in America, it was done in jest, but the message was there. He then said about M’s brother G that he was not the favourite which brought a few giggles as we all knew why. M was her favourite and he was her baby, and although the priest did not say this out loud the message was quite clear.

I wrote to the priest and thanked him for a lovely mass and told him of the joy and sadness that the service brought to me, and that when I met his mum back in 1999 she greeted me with warmth and embraced me as one of her own. I told him of her request that I look after her baby, which I promised I would, and will do to the end of my days and that she knew we were in love even back then. He had told M that next time we are both in Ireland to pop in and have a cup of tea with him as he wanted to meet me and welcome me properly. I told him in my email that I would visit him next time and that we were in the church only last week.

Why?

M’s dad’s sister and her family were there who are what we refer to as “the god squad”. She and her family hugged everyone apart from M. Now, I am not a religious person, far from it, and cannot believe that people who are “gods followers” treat him with disdain and ignorance and have the audacity to call themselves Christians, and obviously have not read their bible (Matthew 7:12 – see even I know that), or in truth like most manic Christians pick and choose what they want to follow in order to continue with their uneducated way of life. I could go on, but why waste time on hypocrites.

M’s sister has not bothered speaking to him since he got back which really says a lot about her and today she has been even more narcissistic than ever, trying to make the day about her. M has been sending me videos of the day and this evening and it is cringing to watch, especially now she is as drunk as a lord.

Angela 1938 – 2020

Sadly M’s mum passed away this morning just after 9am.

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived.

She will always be remembered in our hearts. Although she was not my mum, she was a mum to me for the 21 years I knew her. Goodnight dear lady x


She Walks in Beauty

By Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

Short-lived…

I have mentioned in the past that I have several aquariums, and with that, lots of fish. On Saturday I bought two Tiger Hillstream Loaches. However, on Sunday, both were dead, no reason for this as my water was perfect, all filters were working, the water was fully oxygenated, and there are no diseases present, so I was at a loss. I have fish in the same tank that needs perfect conditions. These fish, however, are quite tough and only need a flowing tank, mine is medium flowing, so that should not be a problem. I took them back to the aquatics shop and they were at a loss as they tested my water and said that it was fine too. They gave me a credit to use for the cost of the fish as I did not want to get another two and the same happen. I may get some at a later date, but for now, I will give it a miss. If I do get some later, I could always set up another small tank for just them to thrive.

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