Tag: Poetry

A Poem From My Past…

I wrote this many years ago about my experience of being an unwanted child.  Not by my mother, but by my father.  Needless to say, I have not seen him for well over half my life.

My Dad & I

“I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
The words spoken by a grown man to his eight-year-old son.
A callous off the cuff remark?
No, it was a cruel and calculated remark.
His son could see in his eyes that he meant it.
Head down feeling ashamed of being a boy.

“I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
Years of cruelty followed.
A backhander here, a punch there.
The boy’s sister was the father’s favourite.
Sweets for her, but nothing for him.
Don’t tell your mother or you’ll get a slap.

“I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
The remark embeds itself in his head.
He watches other Dads love their son.
Fatherly love was something he never knew.
Fatherly love was absent, missing, gone.
Fatherly love was wanted, envied, but always denied.

“I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
Get to your room, get out of my sight.
His room became his sanctuary from cruel words.
He worked hard at school and passed all exams.
A report card came home at the end of each term.
No praise did his father give him, that was for the girls.

“I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
It was time to go as the divorce papers arrived.
Many years later, he met him again.
He told him this is my son, but it wasn’t this child.
A half-brother he never knew he had.
Realisation dawned and his head dropped again.

“I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
A lie and a truth in the same sentence.
A letter years later confirming rejection.
A hate builds up, but he realises it’s wasted.
His father missed out on so much, he knew.
I know how this ends, as I am that son.

“I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
I see him in the street, he knows not who I am.
The old man looks back but no recollection.
I smile to myself, I am the better man.
My want for my father has been and gone.
I’m strong through loss, I have coped with the pain.

‘I never wanted you, I didn’t want boys”
The time will come when you’re deep in the ground.
I may come around and speak to you then.
Tell you of cruelty made to your first son.
You’ll not answer back, and I will not hide.
I don’t want you, Dad, though I needed you before.

National Poetry Day…

So, with that I give you two fun poems…

Electric Chair
The Volts,
The Jolts,
The End.
Dog Love
I saw you in the park,
I wanted to be your friend,
So I tunnelled my nose,
Up your non-barking end.

I Am! by John Clare

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows;
My friends forsake me like a memory lost:
I am the self-consumer of my woes—
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life or joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;
Even the dearest that I loved the best
Are strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.

 

I love poetry, and always have done, especially from the Romantic Era, including the writings of Samual Taylor Coleridge, Lord Byron, William Blake and many many others, but this has to be my favourite from John Clare.

Thirst for Knowledge

I love to learn, oh, how I love to learn.  I am 46 years old and have done educational courses close to all my life.  Starting school at 4, I carried on in education till I had done my 6th form, then college, University, night school, on-line distance learning courses, day schools, part-time courses to fit into everyday life.  I have done it all.  This year is no exception.

I have started to do many courses this year, so far the list is Physics (Higgs Bosun), Forensic Science & Criminal Justice, English Literature (Shakespeare) and Mental Health.  Quite a varied set of subjects, but I have decided that this will be my year for learning, and as such I have signed up for many more courses to complete throughout the year.  Time is of the essence in all of them, and, of course understanding the subject.

Physics so far has been the main challenge, trying to get a grip of things like Newtonian Dynamics & Conservation Laws, and Harmonic Oscillators.  So far so good, and I have scored 89% on the tests, so I must be getting something right, but boy, it is tough going.  Literature on the other hand really is my bag.  I love literature in its many forms including classics, poetry and contemporary works.  Forensics is something I always wanted to do and was considering it at degree level, but instead opted for English Language and Literature.

I will see how I get on and see where this journey of education takes me.  One of the courses finishes next week, so I will be looking to fill that gap with another course, I wonder what it will be, maybe history? or more science? maybe something completely different, but one thing is for sure, I will fill that gap and I will succeed in my challenge.

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