I love quiet times, and I mean TV off, no mobiles or computers, just the silence and a book. But all of a sudden it seems too much. My partner of 16 years has gone to stay with his parents in Ireland, which means I am at home in England alone with the dogs. It has been 11 days so far, and I have to wait till the 5th December till he will be back, but the silence is now deafening.
I am not really one for the TV, I find most programs mind zapping. I do like films, especially classics, and I quite like documentaries, but lately there is nothing that matches my taste. I have watched American Horror Story, but one hour a week really does not make me a TV lover.
The quiet continues on through the day and into the night.
I read in silence, write in silence, check my email in silence. I put Spotify on, then get fed up with the noise, and then the quiet seeps in like a virus that is trying to invade and eventually take over.
I walk the dogs out on the fields between the cemetery and the golf course, and it is in silence. The only noise comes from the engine and the radio as I drive to my preferred place to walk. I could go to the beach and have the noise of the sea crashing, but the council has cut it off from cars, and there is nowhere to park unless you want to risk a double yellow and a fine.
I could go to the woods, but it is silent there too and again nowhere to park. I went grocery shopping and the supermarket was quiet, not silent, but enough to notice. It seems odd. I pass a woman talking to her kids, rather loudly and I think to myself “tone it down, or shut up”.
The silence is all consuming and is something I want, and yet, I do not want at the same time.
The dogs play fight with each other and have a great time, but I want it to stop, it seems too much, but then when they stop, I listen to nothing apart from the whistling noise in my ears.
I am in sound limbo. Quiet and deafening. Wanting and hating.